Why Women Cry More Than Men — What Psychology Shows
Last reviewed by the Men Women Psychology editorial team.
The evidence
What the research actually shows
Surveys consistently find that women report crying more frequently than men, and the self-reported gap tends to be sizable. But Ad Vingerhoets, who has studied human tears more than almost anyone, argues in 'Why Only Humans Weep' (2013) that the difference is smaller in childhood and widens around adolescence — a timing that points strongly toward learned gender norms rather than biology alone. Younger boys and girls cry at much more similar rates than adult men and women do.
Work by Ann Kring and Albert Gordon (1998) is important here because it separates what people feel from what they show. Across their studies, men and women reported broadly similar intensity of emotional experience, but women were more facially and behaviorally expressive. In other words, the visible gap in crying does not cleanly track a gap in how much is felt inside — expression and experience are not the same thing.
It is also worth keeping the size of the difference in perspective. Janet Hyde's gender similarities hypothesis (2005) shows that on most psychological measures men and women overlap far more than they differ. Crying frequency is one of the larger reported gaps, but it is still a difference of averages across heavily overlapping distributions, not two separate categories of people.
The mechanism
Why this happens
Part of the explanation is social learning. Many cultures teach boys early that tears signal weakness and teach girls that crying is an acceptable, even expected, response to distress. Over years this shapes not just whether someone cries in front of others but how readily tears come at all. The widening of the gap in adolescence — when gender norms intensify — fits this account well.
There are plausible biological contributors layered on top. Differences in tear-gland anatomy and in hormones such as prolactin have been proposed as factors that may lower the threshold for tears in women on average, though researchers are careful not to overstate how much of the gap these explain. Vingerhoets treats biology as one ingredient in a mostly social recipe rather than the main cause.
Functionally, crying does real work. It is one of the most powerful nonverbal signals humans have for communicating that we need comfort, and it tends to draw caregiving responses from others. It may also help discharge built-up tension and arousal — a self-soothing role that fits within the broader study of how people manage feelings, an area James Gross (1998) framed as emotion regulation. Viewed this way, crying more is not a malfunction — it is a communication and regulation tool, and people of any gender who feel free to use it have access to something genuinely useful.
In practice
What this looks like in real life
A woman who tears up during a hard conversation is often not 'losing control' — for many people tears arrive alongside clear thinking and can signal how much something matters. Reading them as manipulation or fragility usually misses what is actually happening.
Many men describe wanting to cry but feeling physically unable to, or only doing so alone. That is frequently the residue of years of being told tears are unmanly, not evidence that they feel less. The capacity is there; the permission was withdrawn early.
Tears at happy or moving moments — a wedding, a reunion, a piece of music — show that crying is not only about sadness. It tracks intensity of feeling of many kinds, which is part of why it functions so well as a signal to the people around us.
Myth vs. evidence
What most people get wrong about this
The biggest misconception is that crying more means feeling more, or that crying less means feeling less. The evidence suggests experienced emotion is far more similar across genders than visible expression is. A man who rarely cries may be feeling every bit as much as a woman who cries easily.
It is also wrong to frame crying as weakness or poor regulation. For many people tears are part of how distress gets processed and how support gets summoned. Treating that as something to be ashamed of tends to make emotional coping harder, not healthier — for women and men alike.
Why it matters
What this means for relationships
When a partner cries, the most useful response is usually presence and steadiness rather than alarm or problem-solving. Tears are often a bid for connection and comfort; meeting them with calm attention tends to help far more than trying to immediately fix or stop them.
It also helps to notice the unequal permission each partner grew up with. A man who struggles to cry is not necessarily closed off, and a woman who cries readily is not necessarily unstable. Couples who let both partners express feeling without judgment generally build more emotional safety between them.
Where it varies
The nuance
These are group averages with enormous individual variation. Plenty of women rarely cry and plenty of men cry easily, and personality, culture, upbringing, and current circumstances often predict an individual's tendency far better than gender does. Hyde's gender similarities hypothesis (2005) is a useful reminder that the overlap here is large.
Crying frequency also shifts across a lifetime and across situations — with stress levels, sleep, hormonal changes, grief, and how safe a person feels in the moment. No single explanation captures it, and treating any one person's tears as a fixed trait of their gender misreads how variable and context-dependent crying really is.
Questions people ask about this
Do women really cry more than men, or is that a stereotype?
Surveys do tend to find women report crying more often, so it is not purely a myth. But the gap appears largely socialized, widens in adolescence, and reflects expression more than felt emotion. It is a difference of averages with heavy overlap, not a hard rule about every person.
Is crying more often a sign of weakness?
Research does not support that view. Crying tends to function as a social signal that invites support and as a way to release tension. Many people think clearly while crying. Framing tears as weakness usually says more about cultural norms than about the person crying.
Why do men seem to cry less even when they are upset?
Much of it appears learned. Many boys are taught early that tears are unmanly, which can raise the threshold for crying over time. Studies suggest men often feel emotion at similar intensity to women but express it less visibly. The capacity is usually there even when it rarely shows.
Does crying actually help, or does it just make things worse?
For many people crying seems to help, especially when met with comfort and when it relieves built-up tension. Effects vary by situation and person, though. Crying alone in a hostile setting may feel worse, while crying with a supportive person nearby often brings relief.
Are the differences in crying biological or cultural?
Researchers like Vingerhoets suggest it is mostly cultural, with some biological contributors layered on, such as hormonal and tear-gland differences. The fact that the gap is small in childhood and grows in adolescence points strongly toward socialization as the larger factor for most people.
Should I be worried if I cry very easily?
Crying easily is within the normal range for many people and often just reflects temperament or a stressful period. It can be worth checking in with a professional if tears come with persistent low mood, exhaustion, or a sense of being overwhelmed most of the time, since that may point to something treatable.
Research sources
These references point to the published research and established frameworks behind this page. They are provided for further reading; see our research methodology for how sources are selected.
- Vingerhoets, A. J. J. M. (2013). Why Only Humans Weep: Unravelling the Mysteries of Tears. Oxford University Press.
- Kring, A. M., & Gordon, A. H. (1998). Sex differences in emotion: Expression, experience, and physiology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74(3), 686–703.
- Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271–299.
- Hyde, J. S. (2005). The gender similarities hypothesis. American Psychologist, 60(6), 581–592.