The Psychology of Envy — Why We Want What Others Have
By the numbers
Figures come from the studies cited at the end of this page. Numbers describe group averages and study samples, not rules about individuals.
The evidence
What the research actually shows
A key advance in this field is the distinction between benign and malicious envy. Niels van de Ven, Marcel Zeelenberg and Rik Pieters (2009) found that people describe two qualitatively different envy experiences: benign envy, an upward-pulling frustration that motivates you to level up and reach what the other person has, and malicious envy, a hostile feeling that wants to level down — to see the other lose their advantage. Only benign envy tends to translate into constructive effort.
Envy grows out of social comparison. Leon Festinger's classic theory (1954) holds that we evaluate ourselves by comparing with others, especially similar others, when objective standards are lacking. Envy typically arises from upward comparisons — measuring ourselves against people who seem to be doing better in a domain we care about. Robert Smith and Sung Hee Kim's comprehensive review (2007) describes envy as a painful blend of inferiority, longing, and often resentment.
Envy is not the same as jealousy, though the words are often swapped. Parrott and Smith (1993) showed that people report distinct experiences: envy involves wanting something another person has, while jealousy involves fearing the loss of a relationship to a rival. Modern life may intensify envy: research on passive social-media use (Verduyn et al., 2015; Krasnova et al., 2013) links scrolling through others' curated highlights to more upward comparison, more envy, and lower momentary wellbeing.
The mechanism
Why this happens
At its root, envy is comparison plus caring. We feel it most about people similar to us, in domains that matter to our sense of self — a peer's promotion stings more than a stranger's lottery win. That specificity is a clue to envy's function: it flags a gap between where we are and where we want to be, in exactly the areas we consider central to our identity and status.
Whether that gap turns benign or malicious seems to hinge partly on appraisal. When the other person's advantage feels deserved and attainable, envy is more likely to take the benign, motivating form. When it feels undeserved, unfair, or out of reach, envy tilts toward the malicious form, where resentment and the wish to see them brought down take over. Perceived control and self-esteem influence which way it goes.
The modern environment pours fuel on upward comparison. Social feeds present a nonstop stream of other people's best moments — achievements, holidays, milestones — stripped of the ordinary struggle behind them. Comparing your full, messy inside to everyone else's curated outside reliably manufactures envy, which helps explain why heavy passive scrolling is associated with feeling worse rather than better.
In practice
What this looks like in real life
A friend lands the kind of job you have been quietly hoping for. Benign envy shows up as a jolt of 'I want that too' that nudges you to update your resume and reach out to contacts. Malicious envy shows up as a sour hope that the job turns out to be miserable — same trigger, very different response.
Someone scrolls through a feed of former classmates' engagements, promotions, and remodeled kitchens and ends the evening feeling behind and deflated. Nothing in their own life changed; the upward comparison alone did the damage, illustrating why curated highlight reels are such efficient envy machines.
A person notices a recurring pang of envy whenever a peer publishes creative work, and instead of stewing, treats it as information: it tells them how much they value making things themselves. They channel the feeling into starting their own long-postponed project — using envy as a compass rather than a poison.
Envy flags a gap between where we are and where we want to be — read that way, benign envy can act like a compass rather than a poison.
Myth vs. evidence
What most people get wrong about this
The first misconception is treating envy and jealousy as the same emotion. Research distinguishes them: envy is about wanting something another person has, while jealousy is about fearing the loss of something — usually a relationship — to a rival. Blurring the two muddies what you are actually feeling and what would help, since the remedies differ.
The second is assuming envy is purely shameful and useless. Because it feels bad and is socially frowned upon, people tend to hide envy or deny it — but the emotion carries useful information. Benign envy, in particular, can point you toward genuine goals and spur real improvement. The problem is less that we feel envy and more when it curdles into malice or gets buried instead of examined.
Why it matters
What this means for relationships
Envy can quietly corrode friendships and even romantic relationships when it goes unspoken. Comparing a partner to others, or resenting a friend's good fortune, breeds distance and subtle competition. Naming the feeling honestly — to yourself first, and sometimes to a trusted person — tends to defuse it, whereas denial lets it leak out as criticism, withdrawal, or backhanded remarks.
A more constructive stance treats envy as a signal to interpret rather than an urge to obey. Asking 'what does this envy tell me I want?' can redirect the energy toward your own goals, while practices like deliberately noticing what is good in your own life have some evidence for softening chronic comparison. This is not about suppressing the feeling or manipulating others, but about reading it honestly and choosing what to do with the information.
Two faces of envy
A side-by-side contrast to make the distinction concrete — patterns and tendencies, not rigid rules.
| Aspect | Benign envy | Malicious envy |
|---|---|---|
| The impulse | Close the gap by lifting yourself up | Close the gap by pulling them down |
| Motivational pull | Work harder, learn, improve | Resent, undermine, hope they fail |
| Feeling toward the other | Admiration mixed with longing | Hostility and ill will |
| Typical outcome | Growth and inspiration | Bitterness and damaged bonds |
Where it varies
The nuance
The benign-malicious split is a useful map, not a perfectly clean divide. Real episodes of envy often mix admiration, longing, and resentment in shifting proportions, and cultures differ in how the emotion is understood and expressed. Some researchers debate how sharply the two forms should be separated, so it is best held as a helpful distinction rather than a hard law.
Individual differences matter too. Self-esteem, temperament, and how fair a situation feels all shape whether envy motivates or embitters, and everyone experiences it sometimes — it is a normal human emotion, not a character flaw. Evidence that reframing envy toward inspiration or gratitude helps is promising but modest, and it works best as a gentle practice rather than a demand to never feel envious at all.
Key takeaways
- Envy comes in two forms: benign envy that motivates improvement and malicious envy that wants the other person to lose their advantage.
- It grows from social comparison, especially upward comparisons with similar people in domains we care about.
- Envy and jealousy are distinct: envy is wanting what another has; jealousy is fearing the loss of a relationship to a rival.
- Social media amplifies envy by feeding a stream of curated highlights, which is linked to more comparison and lower momentary wellbeing.
- Read honestly, envy signals what you value; the healthier move is to examine it and redirect the energy rather than deny or indulge it.
Questions people ask about this
What is the difference between benign and malicious envy?
Benign envy is an upward-pulling frustration that motivates you to improve and reach what the other person has. Malicious envy is hostile and wants to pull the other person down. Research by van de Ven and colleagues (2009) finds only benign envy reliably leads to constructive effort.
Is envy the same as jealousy?
Not quite. Studies distinguish them: envy is wanting something another person has, while jealousy is fearing the loss of a relationship to a rival. They can overlap in everyday speech, but they are different experiences that call for different responses.
Why does social media make me so envious?
Feeds show a steady stream of other people's curated highlights, which invites upward comparison — measuring your full life against everyone's edited best moments. Research links passive scrolling to more envy and lower momentary wellbeing, though effects vary between individuals.
Is it bad to feel envy?
Envy is a normal human emotion, not a character flaw. It feels uncomfortable and can turn destructive when it curdles into malice, but benign envy can also point you toward genuine goals. The healthier move is usually to examine it rather than deny it.
Can envy actually be useful?
It can. Envy tends to flag what you value and where you feel a gap. Read that way, benign envy can act like a compass, redirecting energy toward your own goals. The key is noticing the signal without letting it sour into resentment toward the other person.
How can I stop comparing myself to others?
You may not eliminate comparison — it seems built in — but you can reduce its sting. Research suggests limiting passive scrolling, comparing with your own past progress rather than others' highlights, and deliberately noticing what is good in your own life can help over time.
Research sources
These references point to the published research and established frameworks behind this page. They are provided for further reading; see our research methodology for how sources are selected.
- van de Ven, N., Zeelenberg, M., & Pieters, R. (2009). Leveling up and down: The experiences of benign and malicious envy. Emotion, 9(3), 419–429.
- Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140.
- Smith, R. H., & Kim, S. H. (2007). Comprehending envy. Psychological Bulletin, 133(1), 46–64.
- Parrott, W. G., & Smith, R. H. (1993). Distinguishing the experiences of envy and jealousy. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64(6), 906–920.
- Verduyn, P., Lee, D. S., Park, J., Shablack, H., Orvell, A., Bayer, J., Ybarra, O., Jonides, J., & Kross, E. (2015). Passive Facebook usage undermines affective well-being. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 144(2), 480–488.
- Krasnova, H., Wenninger, H., Widjaja, T., & Buxmann, P. (2013). Envy on Facebook: A hidden threat to users' life satisfaction. Wirtschaftsinformatik Proceedings.
Last reviewed by the Men Women Psychology editorial team.
Written and reviewed by the Men Women Psychology Editorial Team against our editorial standards. This article is educational and is not a substitute for professional advice.